Morning Wood

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Update. She now wishes she had stayed nude from 12 to 28.

So do we Jennifer. So do we.

Paraguayan Javelin Olympian Leryn Franco

Wow. Just. Wow.

I ripped this from yahoo sports.

Arctic Ice Cap Refusing to Melt...the Green Scare Continues

...global warming alarmists devastated.

After many predictions in June and July that the artic ice cap would be ice free by August, well, the facts just don't support the Green Scare alarmists.

NASA Marshall Space Flight Center data shows 2008 ice nearly identical to 2002, 2005 and 2006. Maps of Arctic ice extent are readily available from several sources, including the University of Illinois, which keeps a daily archive for the last 30 years. A comparison of these maps (derived from NSIDC data) below shows that Arctic ice extent was 30 per cent greater on August 11, 2008 than it was on the August 12, 2007.

The earth warmed. And now it's cooling. The media and headline seeking scientists blamed everything on global warming before the facts carried this hypothesis to a theory. Anthropomorphic, or man-only caused, global warming is almost certainly wrong yet we are constantly bombarded with this garbage, as science is manipulated for political and financial gain.

Olympic Wood: Pole Vaulter Yelena Isinbaeva

For Jason. She's called the queen of the pole vault thing.

OK, I made that up. But she is the gold medalist.

Olympic Morning Wood

She didn't win crap, but...

Training Day: Part II

If you have seen the movie "Training Day" then you know part of the plot involves a new recruit(Hawke) forced into taking drugs to show that he was "all in" with his street-wise partner (Denzel).

A cops wife in Beaumont Texas claims her husband was encouraged to prove his chops in a massage parlor sting.

Tracy Breiner said her husband was just following orders when he had intercourse with a woman while investigating two spas for reports of prostitution, according to the Beaumont Enterprise.

Officer Keith Breiner maintains that the Beaumont Police Department asked him on April 1 to perform sex acts as part of the undercover investigation. He also says that every time he engaged in sexual activity in the investigation he documented in reports and received no objection from the department, the Beaumont Enterprise reported.

That cops story may not hold up, but Training Day was pretty good and still worth watching. I love that 1979 Monte Carlo.

Hockey Fix

First, Hasek coming out to challenge a break-away (Dec 2007). First rule of hockey, skate with your head up. Second rule of hockey...



Brad Stuart nails NHL darling Cindy Crosby.



Filppula's amazing goal.

Morning Wood: New Bond Girl

And I hear the movie aint bad either.

Her name is Olga Kurylenko.

More: not safe for work!. Link 1
My goodness this lady is hot.

Morning Wood: Cool New House Includes a Womb Room

With the intensity and determination of migrating salmon, men spend their entire lives trying to get back to the "womb."

Now Bill Massie has designed a new home to help men return to the origin.

Case in point...if you open the large skylight above the shower in Massie's master bath some winter's morn, you could bathe midst the falling snow.

The shower egg -- it feels like a well-lit womb inside -- is separated from the other half of the master bath by a narrow hall. When stepping out of the curved egg, you cross the hall and enter a door whose concave shape, and that of its wall, exactly mirrors the egg's curved surface --

So going from the shower to the bedroom is like being reborn...every day.

From the look of the interior, the only think missing is the phallic statue that Alex used to great effect in Clockwork Orange.

Hobo Hunting: Global Warming and Cleveland Don't Mix

Clearly all of this talk of drilling in ANWAR and the potential melting of the ice cap have left these kids in Cleveland emotionally disturbed.

Cars Slow to Watch as Teens Beat Homeless Man to Death

CLEVELAND — A group of teenagers beat a homeless man to death as passers-by slowed to watch the attack, some of which was caught on videotape, police said.

Anthony Waters, 42, suffered a lacerated spleen and broken ribs and died at a hospital, police said.

The children were applauded by local environmentalists, however, for causing drivers to slow down and use less energy. They see this as a potential pilot program that could be expanded to other cities during this summer. Said one, "sacrificing some homeless people is a small price to pay for reducing Cleveland's carbon footprint."

The attackers, who appeared to be between the ages of 14 to 17, robbed Waters of a music player and headphones, police said. No arrests have been made.

What they took was worth a few dollars, what they gained was a lifetime of memories and a renewed sense of community.

The image that reportedly set these kids off.

Morning Wood: Alligator Eats Drunk Teens Arm

I highlight this story because, as a parent, you are always looking for new material to scare your kids out of doing stupid things. Most times I have to make this shit up. Other times, drunken teens write it for me.

Case in point. Kasey Edwards, 18, of Okeechobee, Fla., lost his left arm after grappling with the 11-foot long alligator.

"I felt something lock down and had the sensation of needle nose pliers, just a gigantic set of them, clamping down."

It could happen to anybody, right?

Well, it was 2 am, he was drunk and he was swimming in a drainage canal. Edwards admits he and his friends were drinking before he decided to jump in the 25-foot-deep canal in Nubbin Slough in Okeechobee County.When the alligator grabbed his arm, he remembered that gators spin their prey, so he told WFLX-TV that he grabbed a buoy line and didn't let go.

"I was just like holding on with everything I could for this gator was trying to pull me under," he told the station. "I'd surface, get a gasp of air and he'd just shake again and pull me under.

In my version of this story, this guy's name will be "Timmy" and his mom will cry all the time.

Morning Wood: Tuesday

Police say red dye pack exploded in man's pants

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - Staffers at a pawn shop in Fort Lauderdale thought the shopper with a goatee looked suspicious. Their instincts were confirmed Monday when, two minutes later, a red dye pack exploded in the man's pants. He fled the store, ditching a stolen wad of cash that contained the theft-detection device.

Fort Lauderdale Police Department spokeswoman Kathy Collins said the man matched descriptions of a robber who pilfered a bag of money from a Pompano Beach bank about an hour earlier.


LINK

Authorities are still looking for him.

Hmmm. Steal money from bank then put cool pack thingy in pants pocket as a souvenir. I'm guessing here that an exploding dye pack an inch or two from your manhood is a little painful and probably reorganized the DNA in his nuts. Hopefully this genius was taken out of the gene pool, but I'm sure it's probably too late for that.

And about that police line-up. Six guys with goatee's, no problem. Finding six guys willing to let you spray paint their balls red...

...and a little something to clear the palate...

Movie Review: Commies Hate Indiana Jones

MOSCOW - Members of Russia's Communist Party are calling for a nationwide boycott of the new Indiana Jones movie, saying it aims to undermine communist ideology and distort history.

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" has Indiana Jones competing in 1957 with an evil KGB agent, ..., to find a skull endowed with mystic powers.

Communist Party members in St. Petersburg said on a web site this week that the Soviet Union in 1957 "did not send agents to the States," but launched a satellite, "which evoked the admiration of the whole world."

Moscow Communist lawmaker Andrei Andreyev said Saturday "it is very disturbing if talented directors want to provoke a new Cold War."

Hmmm, 65 million killed and the communists are worried about their legacy? The Nazi party had the same beef after the Lost Ark.

Not to mention the Alderons, they are still pissed about what Spielberg did to their eco-tourism. They have spent millions on their "We are still here" campaign.

LINK to story.

Morning Wood: Sunday

German (Bavarian) Couple Put Baby on EBAY for 1 Euro

Peter Hieber, a spokesman for police in the Bavarian town of Krumbach, said the baby was placed in the care of youth services in the southwestern Allgaeu region, although the child's 23-year-old mother insisted the ad was only a joke.

I think the rule is that it's a joke until you ask 100 Euros for your baby. Speaking of baby, where's baby?

Atlas will shrug

Get a load of Represtative Maxine Waters (D CA) threatening to socialize...ahhhhhhh...take over all oil and gas companies. Classic example of the parasites threatening the hosts.

While I generally call bad government the result of unintended consequences, this display is an example of something far more dangerous. The House and Senate have spent 15 years screwing with the oil market here in this country. From taxes to unmanageable drilling and refining regulations, the impact has been higher prices and tightened supplies. This new socialist movement has used the power of big government to screw up markets then claims they are the only ones who can come in and save it.

The dirtiest little secret: The government makes about 5 times more money per gallon of gas than oil companies. Last year, Exxon made about 9 cents per gallon profit. Nice profit when you think of all the gas we use. The combined taxes in this country average 42 cents per gallon.